Many of you know that I have been trying to get pregnant for almost two years now and no such luck. I was writing my cousin an email today, and it got me thinking about what MY PLAN was for Nate and I compared to what has actually happened. Life is funny that way and here is goes.
Get married
Do the deed (sorry, but true)
(If you think that is inappropriate, sorry, but that is a large part in having a baby...hahaha)
Get pregnant
Find out if it is a boy or girl
Get nursery set up
Have baby
Love him/her more than anything in the whole world
But rather it has gone like this…
Got married
Did the deed (sorry Mom)
Didn’t get pregnant
Got nursery set up (Yep, yes I did…)
Bought “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” (Crap)
- Took temperature
- “Knew when I was ovulating”- not really, but the book said I did
- Bought ovulation tests
Went to doctor
- Got blood work done- paid $500
Went to doctor
- Went on Clomid- paid $100
Didn’t get pregnant, felt like crap and gained 10 pounds!
And now I am back at ground zero.
I know lots of people go through much harder things than I have, and I am in no way down playing what people have to endure in order to have a baby, adopt a baby, etc. This is simply my situation.
But the bright side is I have a wonderful job and husband who loves me.
Even though I want nothing else than to be a mom, I finally understand that there is a greater plan for me. Things have fallen into place where if we had a baby, would not be able to work. So I guess I don’t know it all and someone else really does. I know that my Heavenly Father knows my desires and when it is the right time and place, Nate and I will be blessed with a little baby (girl- named Holland). HA! Don’t tell Nate! But I really have come to terms with not having a baby RIGHT NOW. It is no longer the only thing I think about and has taught me a lot about timing and what the Lord really had in store for both Nate and I. Nate use to always say, “Maybe our son is waiting because he needs to go on a mission at a certain time because there are certain people that need to hear the message from him, or maybe our son is going to be a track star and needs to be a year younger than the all star that runs ahead of him…” This really didn’t ever help, but I appreciated the gesture and it made me think about possible things that needed to happen before we were blessed with a baby. I don’t know it all, and I don’t know what will happen tomorrow or in a year or two, but I do know that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and listens to my prayers and even though for a long time those prayers only consisted of having a baby, he has blessed Nate and I with a roof over our heads, each other, great jobs, insurance, money to pay tithing, and two fabulous families who love and care for us and who would do anything for us. Those are my thoughts for today, but I just wanted to share that I am happy and in a good place. Peace and Love.