Many of you know that I have been trying to get pregnant for almost two years now and no such luck. I was writing my cousin an email today, and it got me thinking about what MY PLAN was for Nate and I compared to what has actually happened. Life is funny that way and here is goes.
Get married
Do the deed (sorry, but true)
(If you think that is inappropriate, sorry, but that is a large part in having a baby...hahaha)
Get pregnant
Find out if it is a boy or girl
Get nursery set up
Have baby
Love him/her more than anything in the whole world
But rather it has gone like this…
Got married
Did the deed (sorry Mom)
Didn’t get pregnant
Got nursery set up (Yep, yes I did…)
Bought “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” (Crap)
- Took temperature
- “Knew when I was ovulating”- not really, but the book said I did
- Bought ovulation tests
Went to doctor
- Got blood work done- paid $500
Went to doctor
- Went on Clomid- paid $100
Didn’t get pregnant, felt like crap and gained 10 pounds!
And now I am back at ground zero.
I know lots of people go through much harder things than I have, and I am in no way down playing what people have to endure in order to have a baby, adopt a baby, etc. This is simply my situation.
But the bright side is I have a wonderful job and husband who loves me.
Even though I want nothing else than to be a mom, I finally understand that there is a greater plan for me. Things have fallen into place where if we had a baby, would not be able to work. So I guess I don’t know it all and someone else really does. I know that my Heavenly Father knows my desires and when it is the right time and place, Nate and I will be blessed with a little baby (girl- named
11 comments:
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you. You are a wise woman. I'll just keep having babies until you have one so at least one of yours will have a favorite cousin in one of mine! :) If I have to have 10, then so be it! :)
LOVE YOU!
linley- you will be sucha good mother. im so impressed with what you have said! and you're right. life is all about timing... good luck with everything.
Sure love you sister!
You are amazing. Triston misses having his second mommy around! You are going to be such an incredible mom. I love your posts - your are so witty. This post is so true - life never really goes like you planned. Let's just hope that our plan to be neighbors comes to pass one these days! ;)
Just had to comment on this one Linley - that is exactly the attitude I had taken on after 2 years of trying to get pregnant and going through emotional torture. Finally, when I realized God's plan was bigger and better than mine, I decided it was time for a new job, to go back to school, and to get on with my life and seek happiness in my life at the moment rather than mourn the life I didn't have. 2 weeks later I started my new job and was planning on enrolling in a masters program once I got settled in. And then I found out I was pregnant. I think I laughed out loud. Literally. It was as if Heavenly Father just wanted to see if I could really trust Him and move on in faith. I'm not saying you are going to get pregnant next week, but I really believe that infertility is one of the quickest ways (most difficult too!!!) to humble a woman and help her to rely on the Lord and trust in His timing. Hang in there! When the time does come, and it will, you will be an awesome mom and you will appreciate that miracle so much more! Wish you the best...
It will happen... I know waiting is the hardest part!
LOVE YOU!
Ah, you're the best! It took me two years to get pregnant. It wasn't until I seriously came to terms with the fact I had zero control over anything, got a new job, took up running, and did everything I could to just give up on it all--then wallah! I got pregnant with Dre. After a million tests they couldn't find anything wrong. To this day I can't bring myself to keep track of cycles or anything like that because I hated it all so much back then. It sucks to wait. I think it's worth the money to have tests done though. There are so many little, fixable things that could be preventing you from getting pregnant. Having tests done made me at least feel like I was going somewhere with it all. Just remember, LOTS of people have problems getting pregnant and it still happens for them. Hang in there chica. It sucks.
Sweet Linley,
Just had to let you know how missed you were on our trip to AZ! I was thinking of the plight described in your post and remembered some promises I know Nate has received. Someday this post will actually suprise you... when little Hutch kids fill your house! We love you! We are so thankful for you!
Random drop in commenter - I am Taylor's SIL. If you have not met with a reproductive endocrinologist I would highly suggest it. We also went through infertility and followed a similar path to you. After we had done all that you have we were referred to an RE and that has made all the difference. OBGYN's (even those who call themselves infertility specialists) can only do so much. If you already have seen an RE, then please ignore my advice.
Congrats on your new outlook. My journey to motherhood was much better once I got to the place you are now.
What an exhausting few years you have had! Now you just need to enjoy this time with your hubby as much as you can before you are blessed with kids ...and sing yourself that song that goes "you're gonna miss this" the wise words calm me down when I start going stir crazy.
Love you.
Linley,
You may think this is weird but I like to read your blog and come back for updates!
I just want you to know that you're not alone. I know sometimes maybe it may feel like it, living in the culture and area that we live in, but you're not. :)
We tried for over 2 years before finding out no, not ever, not without invitro and ICSI. If I don't have a certain gene.
It is so hard to be in the positions that we are in. But again, know that you're not alone. :)
I'm so happy for you that you feel at peace and know your life is good! It is hard sometimes to remember that (as I'm sure you know! :)). But you're so right - someone does have a much better plan than we could have ever come up with on our own.
If you EVER want to talk I'm totally here. We, the infertile ones, have to stick together! Also, please feel free to read my blog whenever you want (now that you know I've been reading yours!). It's private but just send me an email at emcondie@gmail.com if you want to read it ever. :) It's not always as positive as this post was but we all have hard days! :)
You're amazing for all you do and have done!
- Emily Condie
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